Oops! I guess I've forgotten about this...

Well, I will admit it. I am not good at blogging. Oh well! Let's catch up...I am no longer at the children's home. I'm now working for Crandall ISD as the elementary music teacher at Walker Elementary. This means K-5 music plus beginner 6th grade band plus assisting with the marching band. Yay!!! I'm excited as this will be my first time to work with a band and I will admit, I'm a bit freaked out too. But as I was telling someone the other day, I have a TON of band friends and 5 other staff members to help me out! I'm moving in to my apartment the first weekend in August and oddly enough it is almost the exact floor plan that I had in Austin. Personally, I like that. I know where my stuff is going to go and don't have to worry about if I will be able to make everything fit! Strange, I know. For now, I'm living with my parents who also just moved. It's weird that I can no longer return to the house I grew up in, the place where I actually know how to get to Walmart and redbox. I loved Fort Worth because it had everything I needed and wanted. Now they live in Cleburne which is very country in comparison. The house is awesome though. Smaller but with only one kid at home now they don't need as many rooms. It has a hot tub which I have enjoyed relaxing in, a barn for Emily and her horses, a shed and a garage for my dad to store stuff in and work in and a lot of living space to enjoy. My favorite room looks out over the back of the property and you can watch the birds and llamas and horses and enjoy the sunlight. In the 2 weeks of living here I have had some great experiences that I never had in Fort Worth- riding horses at night with my sister, finding a movie theater where tickets are less than $5, getting to say "I'm going to town" whenever I have to go somewhere, the joys of Walmart here in Cleburne (mullet and ponytails, pj's and spandex), giving a llama a haircut, bathing Sofi 3 times in one week because she loves to roll in the horse poop, spending countless hours with my sister, sitting on the porch relaxing in the evenings and tanning during the day, giving horses baths, finally getting past week 3 in my c25k (and running 6 minutes straight for the first time in my life). There are some not so great experiences too like spiders everywhere, almost stepping on frogs in the most random of places, for some reason we still don't have a kitchen trash can, Sofi still rolls in the horse poop, we have to drive to a park "in town" to run. Over all, life is good right now. Things are falling in to place slowly but surely and I feel good about it all. I'm ready to get settled into my apartment so I can be closer to work and get started on my classroom and lesson plans. I'm really excited about this year and all that it holds!

Today I started looking for new jobs. I updated my cover letter, changed the address on my resume and started applying. Now, I'm not sure that anyone will actually hire a teacher for the last 9 weeks of school but I'm willing to work those 9 weeks! My original plan was to stay here at this job until around August but to start applying for teaching jobs for next school year. I was hoping to find a job and sign a contract in May or June and then work here through July then start on the classroom in August. Well, that was then and this is now. A lot of things have changed. I've come to realize a few things about myself and I've been pushed a little too hard at work (in a negative way). And guess what? This is all a little (ok a LOT) scary to me! I have a lot of concerns not only about this but also some other things going on and to be completely honest I'm having difficulty giving it over to God. However, after discussing this in detail with a wonderful friend last night I received this in my verse of the day email: "The LORD is my light and my salvation- so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?" That's Psalm 27:1 for those who wanted to know. Really God? Is it that simple? I should just trust You and know that you will take care of me? Is that easy? I want so bad to ask David how easy it was for him to actually live this out. I'm not the type of person to take my problem/issue/etc and give it to someone else to fix/take care of/etc. I want to fix things for myself. I want to take care of things and make sure they are done "the right way". I want to see it from start to finish. I'm also the type to reluctantly let someone help but guess what- I'm standing over their shoulder watching to make sure they do it right! But oh to be free from those burdens! What it would be like to let God take control and have that weight and responsibility lifted off of my shoulders! I think this also falls under the "Cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you" section of living too. If I can figure out how to cast my cares on Jesus and let Him take them from me AND not be afraid or worried because I'm a child of God and he is my light and salvation and fortress and protection...how amazing life could be!

Past that point

Remember how I said I was tired? Well, that has turned into exhaustion. And the realization that I am burned out and worn thin. Today was a tough day because I couldn't handle the things thrown my way at work. Not that I couldn't, but more that I didn't want to. I wanted to be mad and yell and scream and make sure my feelings and opinions were made known. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't throw a tantrum; I threw a small fit. I mean, come on! I got griped at and belittled by a coworker because I didn't want to waste paper. Really??? REALLY?!?!?!? I got so worked up and upset and angry over a few pieces of paper. I'm pretty sure that's a sign. Just sayin.

Aside from work I'm doing alright. I made an apple pie tonight- I'm really starting to enjoy baking a lot more again. I've gotten so caught up in making meals that I haven't had as much time to bake and I have missed it. So after the pie is gone I think I'll be making Snickerdoodles from scratch. I love those cookies! Although maybe I shouldn't because I'm pretty sure it becomes counterproductive when I eat those then do my workout...

Congrats to Evan and Miranda who had their first baby- Violet! She is one of the prettiest babies I've ever seen and most of the time newborns are not too cute. I, for one, was not at all cute as a newborn. But Violet is really very pretty. Keep them in your prayers as they start this new journey of parenting!

Tomorrow I'm going to try on some bridesmaids dresses for a wedding that I'll be in this summer. I'm excited and hope the bride picks the dress I like!!! I'm also finally going to make it to the library because the rain is supposed to let up. Not that its the rain's fault I haven't gone, but I just didn't want to deal with the whole being wet and cold while looking for books issue. So tomorrow! Until then, I'm going to read The Outsiders, a book that one of the kids is reading in school. It is short though and I will probably finish it tonight!

Sometimes you just get tired

I'm very tired today, both physically and mentally. That workout video is tough but I have been sticking with it. Yesterday I did it twice! I don't know if that was a good idea or not but I made it through once in the morning by myself and once at night with one of the girls. I took today off because I had to pack up all of my stuff, go to 3 meetings and then drive to the boys house and work with them on homework and stuff. Also, I think it's good to take a break sometimes. But tomorrow morning I'll wake up and do the workout before my shower- I promise!

My brain is tired too. I have been working it hard lately (sounds kind of weird) trying to remember everything instead of writing things down, plan my future, plus I have been reading non-stop! At least I feel like I haven't stopped. Since Christmas I have read 6 books!!! And no, they are not classics or anything but they are long and I have enjoyed them. As cheesy as it sounds they really do take me to another place far away from work! Now I'm looking for more- maybe tomorrow means a trip to the library!!! My sister in law provided 5 of the 6 books but since they are moving she has packed them up! Now I have to wait until they sell their house and move into a new one before I can continue through her library. But I really shouldn't complain. The reason they are moving is great! Jason got accepted to law school at Baylor and starts this summer. CONGRATS JASON!!! Anyway, all that to say if you have any suggestions of what I should read please let me know!

My new frenemy

Last week I had a gift card to Target and decided to go spend it. As always, I didn't spend it all and had to return one item. When I went back the second time some crazy spell came over me and convinced me to purchase Jillian Michaels "Shred" workout dvd. I kept it in the packaging for a few days wondering what it was going to be like. This morning, I found out. It is miserable. It is hard. It made me hurt. It is tough. All of these, however bad they might sound, are good though. I need a good butt kicking. For those who don't know, the shred is a workout composed of a warm up (the easy part), then 3 circuits that are 6 minutes each and finally a cool down/stretch. The circuits are 3 minutes of strength like pushups (which btw I can't do...at all...its embarrassing) or using hand weights combined with lunges or squats (yuck), 2 minutes of cardio (jumping jacks, butt kicks, pretend jump rope, etc) and finally one minute of abs (crunches, reverse crunches, side crunches and the dreaded bicycle crunches). Let me tell you- I was sweating! I couldn't even finish some of the sets and by the end of the third circuit I couldn't manage 30 seconds of jumping jacks. Who can't do jumping jacks!?!?!?!?! Me. And because of this I'm going to work hard in the mornings to do this stupid dvd and hopefully be able to complete all the circuits AND finish those dumb jumping jacks at the end!!! So feel free to encourage me on this journey because I'm sure going to need it!

In other news, we rearranged the relief room at the girls house. I'm a huge fan of moving things around every once in a while. It makes me feel good and refreshed I guess. A HUGE thanks to Tracy who managed to move the "closet" of solid wood from one side of the room to the other by herself without breaking it or hurting herself! It looks good now- there is a lot of space that was wasted before that is now usable and open. And the best part, I can actually hang the mirror on the wall and use it!!! I can also sit in the recliner and read (currently The Other Boleyn Girl) and relax. I'm happy! AND in a few weeks I will be going to the Needtobreathe concert in Austin with an awesome friend and I can not wait! It almost makes up for not going to TMEA. That is the biggest thing I miss about being a music teacher. Anyway, hope you are having a great day!!!

My heart is heavy on the inside

Today my heart is burdened, hurting for the people in Haiti. I see the damage on the television, I hear the stories on the radio. Even the newspaper throws out images of pain and suffering. For some reason it is harder to handle today. For some reason this disaster has affected me more than any in the past. My heart is heavy today.

Just write it down

You know how sometimes you just want to write something? You don't really care if anyone reads it or makes a comment about it, you don't mind if someone has a different opinion- you just want to write it. Well, I'm doing just that! I'm creating a blog for myself, so I can write things down, and if anyone wants to read it or comment on it I'm ok with that! I can't promise I'll write often or that what I write will be worth reading. I can promise that it will be my words and my life here. I used to write on myspace and when I went back and read what I had written it was interesting to see how much I had changed. Maybe that will happen again with this blog! And maybe, just maybe, I'll learn how to make it pretty and add pictures!!! But for now, just know I'm starting it. Can't wait to see where it takes me!